


Bright Lights, Small Town - Extras

by Lecrit



Series: To Build a Home [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Dogs, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Lightwood Siblings Feels, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Smut, Texting, extras
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-12 02:02:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9050839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lecrit/pseuds/Lecrit
Summary: A combination of extras for Bright Lights, Small Town.It'll make much more sense if you've read it first ;)





	1. Chairman Meow

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, cupcakes <3
> 
>  
> 
> This takes place a few months after the epilogue ;)

Summer days in Nashville were warm and Magnus liked to spend them sprawled on the chaise longue on his back porch, working on an article with a glass of fresh homemade lemonade - Jocelyn had finally agreed to give him his recipe when he had moved in for good. They were uneventful days for the most of it, but as long as Alec came home to him in the evening and they could spend a quiet night together - or an eventful one, depending on their mood - Magnus was happy.

It was why he was particularly surprised to see three dogs running towards him one afternoon of July, barking loudly all the way from the pond where they had been laying together lazily. Magnus frowned when Buck’s teeth closed around his pants at his ankles, groaning softly as if to guide him somewhere.

Buck was the best-behaved out of the three dogs - which had nothing to do with Magnus cooing at Jimmy Chew and Bark Jacobs every time they did something wrong because they were too cute, Alec was talking shit - so it was surprising in itself, and it picked his curiosity. 

“Okay, okay,” he said, and Buck let him go immediately. Magnus put his laptop back on the ground and rose to his feet, following his dogs down the path to the pond towards Alec's house - or, as Simon liked to call it nowadays, the "Lightwood-Bane secondary residence" -, forced to jog to keep up with them.

"I swear if you're showing me a dead frog again, I'll punish you this time," Magnus grumbled, but he didn't believe it himself.

They came to an abrupt stop and looked up, whining at him and Magnus threw his arms up in the air.

“What?” he exclaimed. “What’s going on?”

Jimmy Chew barked and stepped aside, and finally, Magnus saw. There, in a mess of leaves and branches, a ridiculously small kitten was curled up, his big grey eyes staring at the dogs defiantly, though all that came out from his mouth was a feeble meow.

Magnus picked it up carefully, huddling it against his chest, and the kitten bit into his thumb, but didn’t manage to cause any harm.

“It’s alright, darling,” Magnus murmured, rocking him gently.

The kitten sneezed against his chest, and Magnus grimaced, stroking its head gently. “Let’s get you checked out, yeah?”

He clacked his tongue against his palate, immediately catching the dogs’ attention. “Come on, babies. We’re going to see Daddy.”

.

Magnus burst into the veterinary practice with all the dramatic flair he was capable of, huddling the little ball of fur between his hands, the dogs bouncing and barking excitedly behind him.

“Help!” he shouted unceremoniously. “Please!”

The back door opened almost immediately, and Alec ran out hurriedly, eyes wide in alert.

“Do something!” Magnus demanded.

Alec quirked an eyebrow, stepping closer cautiously. “What is it?” he asked softly. “Are the dogs okay?”

His eyes were already scanning the three of them for injuries.

“Yeah, yeah,” Magnus nodded quickly, opening his hands carefully for Alec to see what precious treasure he held between them. “They found it by the pond. Poor thing looks so small and terrified.”

Alec plucked the kitten from Magnus’ hands with practiced ease and motioned for him to follow him in the exact same room he had examined Jimmy Chew on the first day they had met. He put the kitten on the table, stroking his fur soothingly when he meowed miserably.

Magnus kept silent while his boyfriend worked, rubbing his fingers nervously.

“He’ll be okay,” Alec stated after a while, and Magnus sighed in relief.

“Great,” he said, and gave it barely a second before he blurted out, “Can we keep him?”

Alec froze, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead, hazel eyes twinkling in surprise.

“We already have three dogs and a cactus,” he said pointedly.

“I know,” Magnus nodded, because he did, but that didn't mean he had to care. “So, can we keep him?”

“Magnus,” Alec groaned in warning.

“I’m calling him Chairman Meow,” Magnus said with a wide grin, picking the kitten up and huddling him against his chest to kiss his head.

The newly baptised Chairman immediately started purring.

“Of course you are,” Alec sighed, shaking his head in exasperation, but the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips belied his words.

“Alec?”

His boyfriend hummed absently, putting his stethoscope back on the desk.

“I love you,” Magnus said.

Alec smiled, a genuine beam that lit up his eyes and made his whole face soften, and walked back to Magnus to peck his lips.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, cupcakes!
> 
> Next time: either Alec's POV from either Halloween, or Magnus' first trip to New York for Fashion Week.  
> You choose ;)
> 
> I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) ❤
> 
> Merry Christmas again, cupcakes!  
> All the love,  
> Lu.


	2. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place during chapter 3 of Bright Lights, Small Town, while Magnus is in New York. Alec's POV.

Alec praised himself on being a level-headed person, sometimes too much so, which had brought him his siblings’ loving mockery enough time for him to have it implemented in a corner of his mind. So, in all honesty, it came as a surprise when he started _feeling_ things. Things he had never felt before, and that he had never thought he would.

It was silly, because he was only twenty-seven and too young to come to such a conclusion, but he had given up on love when he moved back from New York to Nashville.

At the time, he hadn’t had the opportunity or the will to actively seek after it because Max had been sick and from then on, nothing else had mattered. Then, his father had decided to compete for and win the title of Worst Father in the Existence of Fathers, and Alec had been too busy fighting tooth and nails to get a chance to see his little brother again. Perhaps it was when he had officially established that it just wasn’t worth it. If the people who were supposed to care for him more than anyone else were able to obliterate his trust, crush his heart and step on it with combat boots, there was no point in putting such a sensitive matter in the hands of a man, no matter who he was, who would eventually do the same.

Robert had broken something in him, more than his trust, more than his faith in people.

Alec had never been a socially skilled person, but he had always attempted, as hard as they made it sometimes, to see the best in people. It was most certainly the influence of Isabelle, and later Clary and Simon, he could admit that much, but the idea had still cemented its way into his mind.

People deserved the benefit of the doubts.

Until his father betrayed him and made every hope in Alec’s mind crumble and he understood that no, they did not.

So when Magnus Bane had quite literally burst into his life by the door of his veterinarian practice while yelling for help, he fell into the same category as everyone Alec had ever met besides his close circle of friends and his siblings: assholes.

It didn’t help that what had happened to Magnus’ mother had echoed in him with burning accuracy, launching a sharp knife in the still gaping hole Max’ death had left in his heart.

But Magnus was peculiar in many ways, and the way he had managed to tear apart Alec’s carefully built certitudes was certainly the most unsettling and unnerving of them.

He had been Alec’s enemy - if you could call it that, it was mostly annoyance more than true hatred -, then his obnoxious neighbor and somewhere along the way, he had become his friend.

Alec already had friends - Clary, Simon, Maia, Lydia and if it didn't seem like much, it was more than enough - but Magnus was different. He was quite literally something else.

Alec had been through grief himself, was still struggling with the infernal ache his little brother’s passing had left in its wake. He could remember how desperate he had been at the time, how he had been seeking release everywhere and nowhere. Alec had found it in the right places, in his siblings who were trying to cope just as fiercely as he did, in his friends who had been there to catch him every time he had felt himself falling into a pitless abyss, in Buck, Max’ dog, who had brought him comfort in ways he hadn’t thought possible before then.

But Magnus, for all his extravagance and flourishes, was alone in his grief.

Not because he had no one surrounding him, but because he was one of those people who thought asking for help for anything other than silly things was an admission of vulnerability, and that it made him weak. Truly, Magnus had no qualms in calling Alec at eleven in the evening because Annie’s house was - or so he thought - cursed, but when it came to his deeper, buried feelings, he’d rather drown his sorrows in alcohol. Alec had seen the results.

Yet, the cry for help was blatant to Alec. It was in the way he moved, in the way his eyes sometimes drifted to the side when they sat on his back porch in the evening and filled with enough melancholia to make Alec’s heart tug in his chest with excruciating familiarity. It was in the way he tensed imperceptibly whenever Annie was mentioned.

Magnus was hurting, quite obviously, and he didn’t know how to heal, but he refused to let anyone guide him through the sinuous path of recovery, so Alec did what he could do to help, and that was being a friend. Being present.

Earning his trust and trusting him in return.

He hadn’t planned on telling Magnus about Max. He never talked about Max, because it always revived a pernicious fire inside him, one he would rather keep dormant. But somehow, that night, he had, because he trusted Magnus.

How and when it had happened, he didn’t know, but it had and Magnus had been there for him, holding him through his morbid story, his fingers brushing over Alec’s scruffy jaw in a slow manner that had managed to soothe his sorrow, if gingerly.

Perhaps it had been the first warning flag, but what was clearly becoming one, waving in a corner of his mind with insistence, was something else.

Magnus was in New York. He had been gone for four days and Alec _missed him_. They texted every day, silly messages about their days. It was mostly pictures of Magnus’ dogs, since Alec was dog-sitting, to which Magnus usually responded by some photographs of the most ridiculous outfits he had come across during his time at Fashion week. They texted every day, but Alec missed him.

And that wasn’t normal. That wasn’t what he was supposed to feel.

Neither was the stupid fluttery sensation in his chest when he came back home from his morning run on the fourth day since Magnus had left to find his phone ringing on the kitchen table and Magnus’ name flashing on the screen.

Still, he didn’t hesitate for one second before he picked up.

“Hey,” he panted through the line, walking to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

A heartbeat passed. “Hey,” Magnus whispered softly, and Alec froze.

He had learned to know Magnus through the months, had studied his various expressions, the way his eyes and his voice shifted with his emotions. It didn’t take for him more than this simple word to know Magnus wasn’t okay.

“What’s wrong?” he asked at once, brow furrowing in concern, his throat tight with worry.

Magnus hummed absently. “Oh, nothing,” he mumbled. “Just a hangover.”

It sounded like a lie, but Alec knew better than to push Magnus when he was feeling down. He knew, however, that their playful banter always managed to bring a smile, even small, to his lips.

So, he chuckled, and said, “Do I have to give you the speech about not driving while drunk again?”

“I don’t think I drove,” Magnus said and he paused and for the few seconds that it lasted, Alec froze with apprehension, a bad feeling forming at the back of his mind. “I didn’t sleep at my place.”

It took him a few seconds to understand the meaning behind Magnus’ words but when they did, Alec’s heart sunk in his chest and he blinked, his mouth dropping open, lost for words. The silence dragged for a while, and Alec cursed inwardly, urging himself to say something, anything, but the words were stuck in his throat, a dawning feeling nudging at the back of his mind.

Jealousy was an ugly feeling. It creeped into his blood, into his bones, raging into his soul like a disease, numbing any coherent thought. He startled when he felt something nipping at his ankle, but relaxed as soon as he realized it was only Jimmy Chew, who looked up at him with blue eyes full of expectancy. Alec smiled in spite of himself and kneeled to scratch him between the ears, grateful for the interruption.

And then, it dawned on him that there was only one rational way to explain the pounding of his heart in that moment.

“Oh,” he breathed out, more to himself than Magnus. He swallowed past the lump in his throat, past the jealousy and the inevitable realization. Despite the complexity of everything he had just taken in, there was really one simple thing that mattered now. “Are you okay?” he asked.

He sat down on the floor of the kitchen, resting his back against the counter and letting Jimmy Chew climb on his lap to nip at his fingers, waiting for an answer, apprehension lurching in his stomach.

“I don’t know,” Magnus sighed.

His voice sounded raw, and Alec couldn’t let himself ponder on the reason behind it, whether it was because he truly felt as raw as he sounded or the aftermath of a wild night spent with a stranger - man or woman, Alec didn’t know, but he made sure not to picture Magnus between the sheets with someone else.

He inhaled deeply, licking his lips. “Was the sex that bad?” he asked in the usual playful tone he always adopted when teasing Magnus.

“I don’t know,” Magnus said again, and he sounded so miserable that Alec forgave him for the damage he was unknowingly casting upon his heart instantly. “I don’t remember.”

“Well, it must have been bad then,” Alec joked, but it didn’t earn him the chuckle he had hoped for.

“Are you mad at me?” Magnus blurted out of the blue.

Yes, a voice at the back of his mind whispered, but Alec urged it away. He had no right to be.

“What?” he breathed out instead, and he didn’t have to fake his bewilderment, because Magnus’ question had truly caught him by surprise. “Of course not. Why would I be mad at you?”

 _If anything, I am mad at myself_ , he didn’t say.

“Because I’m stupid,” Magnus growled in a self-depreciative tone, “and I make stupid decisions that I regret the next day but that I’ll probably repeat anyway.”

“Magnus, you’re not stupid,” Alec said, as gently as he could in his current state. His body still felt numb from the realization, and his mind was still a chaotic whirlwind, but none of that mattered in that moment, not when Magnus sounded as crestfallen as he did. “I’m your friend,” he added softly, the word weighing heavily in his mouth. “I’m here to support you, not dig a bigger hole for you when you’re feeling down.”

“I’m okay,” Magnus replied at once, and the lie was so obvious in his tone that Alec couldn’t help but sigh heavily.

“You’re not,” he said, and leaned his head against the counter, pinching the bridge of his nose and stretching his legs out in front of him. Jimmy Chew seemed to frown in protest, but he quickly recovered and settled against Alec, laying his chin on his thigh. “Want to tell me what’s really wrong?” he asked. “I’m having trouble believing it’s only because you had a one-night stand.”

There was a silence again, shorter this time, and when Magnus spoke again, his voice was trembling.

“I don’t know.”

“Magnus, why did you call me?” Alec asked softly.

“I don’t know,” Magnus said yet again, inhaling deeply. “I’m so fucking lost,” he muttered, barely loud enough for Alec to hear him. “This is my home and… it doesn’t feel like it is anymore. But neither does Nashville.”

It was unfair, truly, that someone like Magnus - who was as strong as he was and yet so vulnerable, so full of light despite the darkness threatening to swallow him whole - could feel that way. How cruel was it that someone like him couldn’t find peace anywhere when people like Alec’s father lived happily wherever they went, thriving on nothing but their own ego?

“You’re going through a rough time. It’s okay to be confused,” Alec said. It was the words he wished he would have heard when he had lost Max, for someone to tell him that no, it wasn’t going to be okay, but that his feelings, whatever they were in that somber period, were valid. “It’s okay to make bad choices. We all do. Especially in those moments.”

“I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing,” Magnus confided in a breath. “Even before she passed away, I’ve never been good at making the right choices. I don’t think I can trust myself to decide what’s good for me.”

“Do you want me to come?” Alec blurted out before he could stop himself. It was stronger than him, that need to make sure Magnus was okay and it was pressing on his chest and on his mind, urging away any qualms he could have had, any fear these newfound feelings were igniting in him.

“Are we having phone sex?” Magnus muttered, and the smirk was audible enough in his voice for Alec to feel a weight being lifted off of his chest. “Because I think I missed the memo somehow or I wouldn’t be killing the mood like I am.”

Alec snorted, rolling his eyes fondly. “I’m serious,” he said, because he was. “I can take a week off. I’ll drop the dogs to the practice, Lydia will look after them. If you need me, I can be there in a few hours.”

Magnus sucked in a deep breath. “No,” he whispered. “Don’t worry about me.”

Alec would have laughed if his current state had allowed him. “Too late.”

Magnus scoffed, and Alec could hear the hint of a smile in his voice. “I’m not alone. Clary’s with me. Raphael and Cat, too.”

But Alec knew too well what it felt like, to feel alone among loved ones, to become the victim of your heart’s sorrow, to dismiss a comforting presence because the pain was yours, and yours alone, and thus he also knew how destructive it could be, to keep everything bottled up until you just couldn’t anymore.

“You’re just as good as alone if you think you can’t talk to them,” he argued, because it was the only diplomatic way he knew how to put it.

“I can,” Magnus said with renewed confidence. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

Alec’s stomach twisted painfully and he shut his eyes, chewing on his bottom lip. “Okay,” he sighed. “The offer still stands. All you have to do is ask.”

“Is that all?” Magnus whispered seductively. “And yet, I remember asking repeatedly that you stop wearing shirts and you still do. Your double standards are terrible, darling.”

“If only you knew how to ask nicely,” Alec retorted with a smile, because he clearly had no self-preservation instincts.

“Send me a picture of my babies, please?” Magnus murmured.

“Will do,” Alec promised. “Call me next time you want to do something stupid, okay?”

“Oh Alec,” Magnus all but purred, a taunting edge to his tone. “I always want to do you.”

And despite the chaos in his mind, despite the worry still lurking in his brain, despite his heart that was pounding in his chest, Alec barked out a laugh, unexpected and all the more genuine.

When he hung up, he glanced down at Jimmy Chew, whose head was still tucked on his thigh, and heaved out a deep breath, running a hand in his hair.

“I’m in deep shit, aren’t I?”

The pup whined in answer and Alec scoffed bemusedly, reaching out to stroke his head, and grabbed his phone again to call the only person he could call right now.

He could feel his heartbeats echoing in his temple as he waited through the ringtones. Flirting with Magnus was one thing - one innocent, exhilarating thing - but this was a whole new level, and Alec had no idea how to deal with it.

“Alec!” Izzy exclaimed unceremoniously when she finally picked up. “You need to come with me to Bloomington, I need new shoes.”

“No, you don’t,” Alec deadpanned. “You have far too many shoes already.”

“Shoes are like socks, big brother,” she said. “One can never have enough.”

“Did you just quote Dumbledore at me?” he asked bewilderedly.

“Yup,” she said proudly. “So, shopping trip? I’m off tomorrow.”

“It’s not like I have much of a choice,” Alec grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” Isabelle retorted, and the grin was obvious in her voice. “So, why were you calling me?”

Alec took a deep breath. “I need to talk to you,” he said. “I have a problem.”

“Who do I need to kill?”

The fact that Isabelle was a cop and possessed an actual gun sometimes terrified him.

“No one,” Alec huffed out, rolling his eyes. “Or me. Yup. Kill me, please. It would make everything much easier.”

The frown was evident in her voice when Isabelle spoke. “Alec, what’s going on?”

“I think I’m in love with Magnus,” he admitted, and somehow, despite the heaviness of the words and what it meant for the walls he had carefully built around his heart years ago, it made him feel lighter.

“Go to work,” Isabelle told him firmly. “And I’ll meet you tonight at your place with Jace. I’ll bring the booze.”

The threats of interminable shopping trips aside, Alec was very, very grateful for his little sister.

.

When he opened the door that night, and after Bark Jacobs, Jimmy Chew and Buck had ran out of the door to jump on his siblings to greet them, Jace and Isabelle burst inside, arms full of beer and various beverages. They settled in Alec’s living room in their usual spots, Isabelle on the imposing armchair near the fireplace - or her throne, as she liked to call it - and Jace sprawled on the couch, which left Alec with the other armchair and all the space he needed to spread out his legs on the coffee table in front of him.

“So,” Jace started, but stopped himself when Alec’s phone beeped in his pocket.

Alec shuffled to get it and smiled at Magnus’ text.

_I’m exhausted but Clary is dragging me to an art gallery in Soho. Would it be really rude of me to fake a heart attack?_

_I don’t know_ , Alec quickly typed back, grinning. _With all those awful outfits you sent me pictures of today, I’m not sure you’d have to fake it. Your fashion victim heart must be hurting._

 _That’s sadly true, Alexander,_ Magnus wrote back almost immediately. _But you could always make it better by sending me a selfie._

_Shirtless, please._

_(See? I know how to ask nicely.)_

“Oh, boy,” Jace breathed out, snapping Alec out of his daze. “It’s worse than I thought.”

Alec frowned, blinking away from his phone to focus on Jace. “What?”

“You’re in love,” Jace and Isabelle said in a same voice.

Alec pondered on denying it, his defensive instincts kicking in, but he knew there was no point in doing that, not with the two people facing him.

“I know,” he sighed, and still he shot back a quick “ _Now that would definitely give you a heart attack. Have fun._ ” to Magnus. When he glanced up again, Jace was holding out a beer to him and Isabelle was sending him a sympathetic look.

“Is it really that bad, though?” Jace asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Alec growled.

“It’s not like he doesn’t have feelings for you,” Jace retorted, rolling his eyes. “You should have seen the two of you when I came to pick him up to drive him and Clary to the airport. I’m positive it isn’t one-sided.”

“And I should trust your absolute expertise on the matter because?” Alec said, lifting a dubious eyebrow.

“Because I’m always right,” Jace replied.

“Oh, well, in that case,” Alec drawled, voice heavy with sarcasm.

“Alec,” Isabelle said softly, “Jace is right. I don’t know if he’s in love with you yet, but Magnus is clearly on the way there. Your feelings aren't one-sided.”

Alec heaved out a deep sigh and took a long sip of his beer. “Even if they are, which is highly hypothetical,” he said, raising a hand to shut them up when they opened their mouths to protest, “there's still one big problem here.”

“You’re afraid Magnus doesn’t share your kinks in bed?” Jace offered, a sly smirk tugging at his lips. “Because I’m friends with the guy and I can assure you that whatever your kinks are, he shares them.”

Alec grabbed the first thing he could get his hand on apart from his beer bottle - because one, it wasn’t empty and two, that would hurt Jace more than necessary - and threw it to his face. It was his phone, which turned out to be not such a good idea.

Jace caught it mid-flight, grinning, and unlocked it in the spur of a second.

“How do you know my password?” Alec blurted in affront.

“Please,” Jace scoffed. “It’s my birthday and Izzy’s combined. You’re so predictable.”

Alec flipped him off, but Jace ignored him and Alec sprung to his feet when he realized Jace was not replying because he was too busy reading through the string of texts Magnus and him had exchanged in the past few days.

Jace was too quick, though, and he jumped out of the couch and away from Alec’s reach before Alec could get his phone back.

“Get back here,” he growled, but Jace was already running to the garden.

“Come on, dude,” he yelled, his eyes drifting between Alec and his phone although he never stopped running, his thumb scrolling down the screen. “He has so little chill when it comes to flirting with you that Chill decided to take a sabbatical year to go on holidays with your sex life.”

“Jace!” Alec called out, and ran faster.

“Get it?” Jace laughed through his panting. “It’s because your sex life is just as non existent as Magnus’ chill.”

“Yes, Jace, I got it,” Alec gritted out, and finally managed to catch him, closing his fingers in his t-shirt to haul him backwards.

Jace stumbled to the ground, taking Alec with him, and they collapsed into a mess of limbs, Buck and Bark Jacobs barking and bouncing happily at their side.

“I hate you,” Alec sighed, plucking his phone out of Jace’s hands, before pulling a handful of grass up and shoving it on his face.

Jace wriggled to get out of his grip, in vain, and released a disgusted yelp. “Stop! Izzy! Help!”

She seemed to materialize out of nowhere, hands on her hips and an expression that could only be described as despair on her face. “You got yourself in this situation, you can get by on your own,” she replied with a ruthless smile that was a little terrifying, if Alec was quite honest.

He was distracted enough by her feral grin that Jace managed to push him off of him with a triumphant yell. Alec rolled over to lie on his back, levelling his breathing to a more regular rhythm, and glanced up when Isabelle sat down next to him with her legs crossed, sliding a hand in his hair with a tender smile.

“So, what was that remaining big problem?” she asked, because at least one of them was actually listening to him.

Alec frowned, pressing his lips together. “He’s only here until December,” he mumbled. “He’ll move back to New York then.”

“New York isn’t that far,” Isabelle replied, shrugging. “It’s an hour long flight from Indianapolis.”

“Izzy,” Alec sighed, and he gulped hard, bracing himself for what he was about to say and the teasing that would surely follow. “He’s been gone for four days and I already miss him. I can’t do the ‘let’s be together but live in different city’ thing. Not with him.”

Isabelle smiled softly, and laid down beside him, snuggling against him. Alec couldn’t help but smile too and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss on her forehead.

“It’s going to turn out okay,” Jace said, with enough gravity that Alec turned away from Isabelle to look at him, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“How do you know?” he asked dubiously.

“I just know,” Jace said. “You deserve it. Magnus deserves it.” He shrugged, his fingers playing with a bit of grass he had taken from his hair. “I think good things are bound to happen when people are made for each other the way I believe Magnus and you are. I mean, come on, he dumped a whole glass of water on your face because you pissed him off. If that doesn’t scream true love to you, I don’t know what will.”

Alec laughed, loud and carefree, and tried not to dwell too much on the fluttering feeling in his chest because he could recognize it acutely, and he knew it could bring infinite disappointment.

And yet it remained, tethering to his soul, finding anchor on his heart: hope.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was beta'd by my favorite hoe [Pravs.](https://twitter.com/magnusbake)
> 
>  
> 
> Next time: either Alec's POV of Halloween or Magnus and Alec's trip to Paris. You can vote on the poll on my Twitter account!
> 
> I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) ❤
> 
> All the love,  
> Lu.


	3. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's POV of Halloween, set in chapter 3 of BLST.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes!
> 
> I can't believe y'all call me evil when you ask for Alec's POV of this.  
> You can only blame yourselves!
> 
>  
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> PS: #lecrit if you're live-tweeting ;)

Alec looked at himself in the mirror of his bathroom, pursing his lips in annoyance. He didn’t know why he had let Isabelle choose his costume. Not that he had had in fact much of a choice. She had just decided to choose it for him and she could be scary sometimes - not that he would ever admit it - so Alec had just bent to her will.

That was why he was now facing his reflection, a copy of him dressed as a gladiator staring right back. At least, he told himself for comfort more than true persuasion, he was mostly covered up, which was the thing he had been the most worried about when his sister had decided to take it upon herself to find him the perfect Halloween costume.

His legs were naked, though, and so were his arms but Isabelle had assured him he had to “show Magnus the goods”, and he had been too busy rolling his eyes to argue.

It was cold for the end of October, and the walk from his house to Magnus’, as short as it was, was enough to make a wave of shivers run down his spine. Buck was trotting blissfully next to him, seemingly unaffected. 

Magnus’ house was extravagantly decorated, to say the least. The back porch was littered with fake spiders, bats and crows, a jack-o-lanterns garland hanging from the ceiling and various Halloween-themed candy scattered in bowls in every space available. Apparently, Magnus still hadn’t understood that everyone he had invited would be bringing more food. Then again, his overwhelming generosity was one of the things that had drawn Alec to him in the first place, so he really didn’t mind.

Music was already blasting from inside, loud enough to make the ground vibrate under Alec’s feet as he walked in. He looked in the kitchen first and scoffed in fond exasperation at the sight of the counter, which was almost overflowing with bottles of alcohol and various sodas. He then moved to the living room, and froze entirely at the sight before him.

Because Magnus was a sight to behold and… well, Alec’s brain wasn’t being very cooperative right now.

He was dressed up as a genie. Except, in Alec’s childhood memories, genies were big and blue and spoke with Robin Williams’ voice, they didn’t look like walking sin and temptation, with open jackets on perfectly sculpted abs, strong arms and shoulders and alluring bronze skin.

And they didn’t fucking dance on their own, hips moving to the rhythm of the blaring music, with a wide grin on their lips and just… Rude. Magnus was just rude.

Alec cleared his throat, more to compose himself than to catch Magnus’ attention, but the result was the same. Magnus jumped ten feet in the air, startled, the candy he had been throwing carelessly in the bowls he had scattered across the room flying off his hands.

He slammed a hand over his heart theatrically, eyes widening. “Alexander,” he exclaimed, and if he tried to sound chastising, it was belied by his cheerful smile. Alec’s heart skipped a beat. “You scared me!”

Alec didn’t reply immediately, swallowing hard as his eyes raked over Magnus, from his homemade sandals to the glitter in his hair.

“Sorry,” he mumbled when he recovered the ability to speak. “Didn’t mean to.”

“You’re early,” Magnus said with a smile, and he reached out to grab Alec’s hand, swaying to the music again. Alec was going to die on Halloween’s day, and the irony almost made him laugh. “And you look ravishing,” Magnus added, his lips curling into a smirk. “Let me guess, Izzy?”

“Obviously,” Alec grumbled, utterly immobile in spite of Magnus’ attempts.

“Well, she chose wisely. The gladiator look suits you,” Magnus said with an appreciative wink. “Come on!” he added, dragging the word out, a hint petulantly. “Dance with me!”

“I can’t dance,” Alec protested, but he couldn’t help but raise the hand that was still tucked in Magnus’ to allow him to twist smoothly under it.

He looked so graceful, his every motions transpiring elegance, that Alec just had no other choice but to humor him.

“That sounds like a lie,” Magnus retorted, and his mouth tipped at the corner in a devilish smirk as he rocked his hips to the music.

Alec followed the movement with his eyes, mesmerized, and he cursed inwardly. This party was going to be taxing for his nerves, and even more for his self-control, he just knew it. The fact that Magnus seemed to know exactly what he was doing wasn’t helping at all.

“You’re a little shit,” Alec growled low in his throat, and raised his hand again for Magnus to swirl gracefully, plastering his back to Alec’s chest.

“Mmhm,” Magnus muttered in agreement. “I’m also a genie so I can grant you three wishes tonight,” he purred. “Choose wisely.”

The first three options that came to Alec’s mind were  anything but wise. In fact, they were probably considered the opposite of wise.

He scoffed in amusement and exasperation all at once, and leaned down to nuzzle against Magnus’ neck, smelling his cologne, feeling the shiver running through Magnus’ skin as he did.

He wished things were different. He wished Magnus wasn’t going back to New York soon. He wished he could say the right words to soothe his hurt whenever he caught the way Magnus’ eyes sometimes got lost into space.

For a while, he didn’t say anything, swaying with Magnus to the music to a cadence known to them only, far slower than the rhythmic beat.

“I wish,” he murmured eventually, pressing his lips to Magnus’ pulse point.  _ I wish I didn’t want you as much as I do. I wish you’d love me back. _ “I wish -”

He was interrupted by a loud, excited bark at their feet, and then a symphony of cheerful barks and he bit on his bottom lip, swallowing back the words that had been about to slip out of his mouth. Magnus groaned, throwing his head back against his shoulder.

“I wish you would tell me why you dressed up your dogs,” he mumbled against Magnus’ neck, shutting his eyes for a second to gather himself. He really needed to get a grip.

Magnus smelled too nice, and Alec’s hands were on his hips and it was all too much and not enough.

“Why wouldn’t I dress up my dogs?” Magnus countered. “They have the right to enjoy the Halloween frenzy like the rest of us. I’m certainly enjoying the sight of your arms and legs in this costume.”

Well, Izzy had been right about one thing then. Not that he would tell her.

He moved his hands slightly, innocently, his fingers grazing gingerly against the bare skin of Magnus’ stomach, and he opened his eyes, glancing down at Magnus’ dogs, who were looking at them with bored eyes, huddled together on the couch.

“I have to admit I can see some perks to the whole dressing up thing now,” Alec allowed, voice pitched low.

Magnus chuckled, and although he couldn’t see his eyes, Alec knew they were twinkling with amusement. “Is it thanks to Frankenbark and Pumpkin Chew?” he asked.

His hips had stopped rocking to the music, but he was still swaying slowly, one of his hands over Alec’s on his hip and the other resting on his elbow. They must have looked ridiculous, Alec pondered to himself, dancing together like time had stopped, to a rhythm ten times slower than the wild bass of the song playing.

Alec wondered if the world around them had stopped existing for a while, so he could cherish that moment and store it in a corner of his mind where he would keep it safe forever.

“Only partly,” he replied, slowly, tasting the words on his tongue.

He knew that his feelings towards Magnus were not one-sided. He simply didn’t know if they were of the same depth, if Magnus experienced the heart-clenching, breath-stopping, skin-tickling sensations too whenever they were as close as they were now or if it was just him. Perhaps Magnus’ attraction was just that.  _ Attraction _ . Plain, simple and physical.

The sound of the doorbell drew him out of his thoughts and Alec held back a sigh, equally relieved and disappointed, when Magnus pulled away from him to go open the front door.

Alec ran a hand over his features, urging himself to compose himself.

“Hello,” he heard Simon call out cheerfully.

“Get a grip, Lightwood,” he murmured to himself, and walked to the front door to join them.

He could do this.

.

Magnus’ house was crowded, not that Alec was really surprised because he tended to go overboard when he was excited about something and he had been going on and on about this Halloween party for a whole week. At least, there were only people Alec actually liked, so it didn’t feel too suffocating when he navigated through them to get to the kitchen. He could see Magnus dancing with Isabelle, Clary and Lydia through the open door to the living room. His relaxed posture and the wide grin on his lips, which had been far too rare when they had first met but was starting to appear more and more often, was enough to make Alec smile to, although he hid it behind his bottle of beer, shaking his head fondly when Magnus made Isabelle swirl in his arms and she laughed, loud and clear.

“Maybe if you stare long enough, he’s going to magically teleport in your arms.”

Alec rolled his eyes and turned around to face Simon, who was staring right back, cheeks flushed with alcohol and probably some of the weird dancing Simon usually got involved in when he was drunk.

“Ha-fucking-ha,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes.

Simon’s grin broadened and he leaned in, whispering. “Man, you’re in so deep. Do something!”

“Says the guy who’s been pining over my sister since kindergarten,” Alec retorted, perhaps slightly too harshly.

Simon blushed, but quickly recovered, pointing an accusatory finger at Alec, who simply lifted an eyebrow. “Yeah, well, you know what? Maybe I’m gonna do something about that!”

“When?” Alec asked with a smirk. “Sometime in the next ten years?”

Simon narrowed his eyes at him. “I can’t believe you’re my best friend.”

Alec chuckled, patting his head. “It still surprises me too,” he said with a cheeky grin, before walking past Simon to get to the back porch.

There were more people there, but the chill air of late October made it more breathable and the chatter less obnoxious. The wind was cold, and it sent a wave of shivers down his naked arms and legs but the mass of people managed to cut the worst of it. He joined Elaine, who was leaning against the wall with a glass of wine in her hand, a small smile on her lips as she watched the people evolving around her and greedily engulfing the mountain of pastries she had brought from her bakery.

“Magnus is going to have leftovers until next Halloween,” he remarked playfully, leaning against the railing.

“Good,” Elaine replied with a soft smile. “That boy needs to eat. He’s too thin.”

“You say that of everyone,” Alec said bemusedly. “And, I mean, look at him,” he added, gesturing to the window where they could see Magnus now dancing with Clary, his head thrown back in laughter, “I think he looks pretty good.”

Elaine threw him a pointed look and reached out to pat his cheek. “Of course you do, sweetheart,” she said, a knowing spark glimmering in her kind eyes. “You’re head over heels already.”

Alec blushed, but didn’t bother deny it. Elaine had known him since he could barely walk - even then, she had sneaked pastries in his hands every time he visited his bakery with his mother - and he knew better than to lie to her. He shrugged instead, dismissing her comment, but Elaine wasn’t having it.

“He’s a sweet boy,” she said softly, “and a great person. You deserve nice things.”

Alec’s lips crooked into a smile at the corner, and he cleared his throat, running his hands into his hair. “Anyway,” he mumbled, “how’s the bakery?”

They kept talking for a while, about mundane things, about Alec’s practice, the winter approaching slowly, the Thanksgiving dinner Elaine had decided to host this year because it had usually happened at Annie’s house. They were chatting quietly about the football championship when Magnus joined them, navigating through the crowd of familiar and friendly faces. He didn’t say a word, simply circled Alec’s waist with his arms and buried his face in his neck. Alec’s heart skipped a beat and he had to focus all his attention on keeping the conversation with Elaine going as he wrapped his arms around Magnus automatically, before he could even truly think about what he was doing. Elaine didn’t say anything about it, but her eyes glimmered knowingly, and Alec was impossibly grateful when she just kept talking like nothing was happening in front of her eyes, like Alec wasn’t slowly drifting away from her, overwhelmed by the sensations Magnus’ body against his own was igniting in his core. 

He wondered if Magnus could hear the wild pounding of his heart against his pulse point, but he didn’t seem to, a small smile playing on his lips, his eyes soft and utterly calm. If he hadn’t been so far gone already, Alec probably would have fallen in love with him right then.

He let his hand trail absently against the bare skin of Magnus’ arm without really noticing he was even doing it, but Magnus melted even more against him and Alec’s heart rummaged even harder in his chest, almost cutting off his breath.

They didn’t even move to pull apart when Simon wobbled to them, clearly intoxicated, obnoxious in his every move. He dropped a wet kiss on his mother’s forehead, almost knocking half of his glass’ content on his Han Solo costume.

“Drank too much, pumpkin?” Elaine chuckled, and Magnus tensed against Alec, so scarcely that he thought for a second that perhaps he had imagined it, but then he glanced down and saw the longing in Magnus’ eyes, as fleeting as it was. There was probably a hint of envy there too, but none of it was bitter towards Simon. It was just that. Envy. Longing. Another proof of how he was still struggling with his grief.

Alec tightened his hold on his shoulders imperceptibly.

“Mom, I’m twenty-six,” Simon grumbled sloppily. “You can’t call me pumpkin in front of my friends.”

“I brought you to this world,” Elaine retorted, lifting a defiant eyebrow. “I can call you whatever I want.”

Simon scoffed out a staged exasperated breath and swirled about to face Alec and Magnus, half of his drink spilling on his hand.

“Magnus!” he all but yelled, a broad grin lighting up his brown eyes, his glasses sliding down his nose. “This is the best party ever!”

“Well, I am quite the party planner,” Magnus replied, and the smug smile was evident in his voice. “My apartment in New York has been the scene of some memorable parties.”

“You should be a professional one!” Simon exclaimed, leaning in to poke Magnus in the chest. “You’ve already helped with Clary’s wedding and all, you’d be great at it.”

“That’s not such a terrible idea,” Magnus said charitably, “but I’m good with my blog, making money while staying at home and watching crappy TV shows as I write my articles.”

Alec hummed in amusement, his fingertips still sliding up and down Magnus’ arm.

“When’s the next party then?” Simon asked, and Alec wondered if he was going to start bouncing up and down his feet in excitement - and undoubtedly drunkenness.

Magnus didn’t reply immediately, biting on his bottom lip in reflection. “Any excuse can be an excuse to party, Sigourney,” he said eventually, a smirk tugging at his lips, and Alec rolled his eyes, and shrugged with only one shoulder, unwilling to disturb their embrace, when Elaine raised a quizzical eyebrow his way. “You don’t need a special occasion. But wait to see my goodbye party before I go back to New York. It’s going to be epic.”

Alec froze entirely, his fingers stopping halfway to Magnus’ elbow, his shoulders immediately squaring with tension and his heart clenching in his chest painfully. His eyes found Simon’s, who had somehow mimicked his own reaction. His naturally joyful smile had disappeared and he pushed his lips together for a second as if he was trying to stop himself from talking, but Alec knew Simon, and especially drunk Simon, and he knew there was no stopping him from speaking his mind when he had had one too many drinks.

“You could look less happy about it, you know,” Simon said sternly. “I mean, I know this place is ‘terrible’ and we have awful Internet connection and you’ve got all those problems with the house and all. Yeah it’s so awful, New York is so much better -”

“That’s not what I meant,” Magnus tried, but Simon threw him a harsh look that had the rest of his sentence die in his throat.

“We all tried to make friends with you even when you made it really hard for us,” Simon continued, probably more harshly than necessary, but Alec didn’t try to stop him, his heartbeat echoing wildly in his temples, making his head throb, “and we welcomed you with our arms wide open and you managed to make us all like - fuck that -  _ love _ you,” he said, his eyes drifting up to Alec for a second too long, just enough for Alec to gulp hard, before focusing back on Magnus, “and you keep talking about New York like you can’t wait to get out of here. Well, there are some people here who are going to miss your selfish, jerky ass, Magnus, and even if you don’t feel the same. The least you could do would be not to throw to our faces how happy you are about getting away from us!”

He stormed off without another word and Alec followed him with his eyes mutely, processing everything Simon had just thrown in Magnus’ face, and the reality that lingered in every single word. Magnus was going to go back to New York eventually, and unlike Alec, who was devastated by the mere thought of it, Magnus didn’t seem to particularly care about leaving them behind.

“What-” he breathed out, and blinked. “What just happened?” he asked, but Alec didn’t answer.

Instead, he slowly unwrapped his arms from around his shoulders, rubbing his thumb and index together. “I’m gonna go get a drink,” he mumbled, and started walking away as well, only to be stopped by Magnus’ hand grabbing his.

“Alec,” he called out, a hint of worry and despair layering his smooth, velvety voice.

Alec inhaled deeply, shut his eyes for a second and urged himself to breathe. He forced a small smile to his lips and turned around to face Magnus. His eyes were wide with something like fear, and incomprehension. “I’m just getting a drink, Magnus,” he said, and snagged his hand back, walking away.

Alec ignored the worried look Luke casted his way as he walked past him to get back inside the house. When it had all felt like a cohesion of the people he loved and cared about a few hours ago, now it was just overwhelming, and the feeling seeped on his skin like a layer of dirt. He needed to get away for a while, to just be with himself and to think, to try in vain to mend his aching heart. He strode past the living room, ignoring Simon who was slouched against Isabelle on the couch, his head on her shoulder as he certainly poured his heart out to her, and opened the front door. Fortunately, the front porch was empty, the main attraction of the night being on the other side of the house.

He sat down on the floor, sliding against the wall, and banged his head once of the wood, clenching his teeth. “You’re an idiot,” he murmured to himself. “You knew it would happen and you ran head first into a wall.”

A quiet bark pulled him out of his thoughts and he blinked his eyes open, glancing to the side at Jimmy Chew, still adorned in his ridiculous - but cute, he had to admit it - pumpkin outfit. Alec held out a hand with a small smile and the pup trotted to him happily, climbing on his lap.

“Your dad really is something else,” Alec told the pup softly, scratching between his ears. “You’re happy here, aren’t you?” Jimmy Chew blinked up at him, nipping at his fingers playfully. “How about we kidnap him, you and I?” he whispered, to himself more than anything, dropping his head back against the wall.

“I don’t think I’m ready to let him go.”

.

It was awfully late, or surprisingly early when the last guests started leaving the party. Alec had moved from his hiding spot on the front porch a while back, but for some reason he had stayed, because his heart had told him to.

The house was frankly a mess, glasses, plastic cups and empty bottles scattered everywhere and Alec heaved out a deep sigh as his eyes raked over the chaos. He walked to the kitchen, grabbed a garbage bag under the sink and started throwing stuff in the bag, pouring what wasn’t quite empty in the sink.

The kitchen was quickly done, because people had mostly spent the night either on the back porch or in the living room, and it was when he moved there that he found Magnus, slouched on the couch, exhaustion written all over his features. His hair was a mess, peeking out in every direction, and his makeup was smudged under his eyes, his skin glistening with a thin layer of sweat from all the dancing he had indulged in. His eyes widened, suddenly devoid of fatigue, when he caught sight of Alec, who himself felt quite ridiculous still tucked in his Halloween costume.

“You’re still here?” Magnus asked, sounding just as disbelieving and surprised as he looked.

Alec hummed absently and walked into the room, bending down to grab the few empty bottles and cups on the coffee table, throwing them in the bag. Magnus shot to his feet to help.

“Couldn’t let you clean up all that mess on your own,” Alec mumbled, and the words felt foreign on his tongue.

He couldn’t bear to look at Magnus in the eyes, focusing on the task at hand instead, but he knew it was painfully obvious.

“You didn’t have to,” Magnus muttered, his tone so miserable that Alec felt his stomach squirm, and a cold anger slowly creeping in his veins.

He hummed again, afraid he would say something he would regret later. He had already done plenty of that with Magnus and that was before he knew him, before he learned to love him. He turned his back on him instead, reaching down to pick up the sweets that had fallen to the ground.

“I’m used to cleaning up after parties on my own,” Magnus added. He was clearly reaching now, desperately attempting to prompt an answer out of Alec, but Alec was a stubborn man, and a hurt one with that, and those had never worked well together for him.

He turned back around swiftly. “Look, if you don’t want my help, you can just say so and I’ll leave,” he snapped, rushing out of the room and out the door to the back porch before Magnus could stop him.

“Alec!” he called out, running after him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Alec barked, and shut his eyes, heaving, urging himself to lower his voice. “Everything’s fine, Magnus.”

“No, it’s not,” he insisted. “You’re mad at me.”

_ I’m mad about you, _ Alec thought but didn’t say, focusing instead on tidying the empty cups and discarded paper plates laying around, throwing them in the garbage bag with far more strength than strictly necessary.

“Alec,” Magnus said softly, desperately, almost pleadingly. “Talk to me.”

Alec shook his head and whether it was directed at Magnus or only meant for himself, he wasn’t sure. He was lost and confused, and hurting. Because Magnus was going to leave, and yet he still insisted for them to be close, he still seeked the comfort of Alec’s touch at every opportunity, he still flirted with him openly and Alec wanted to yell, to snap at him because it wasn’t fair and  _ it was all his fault _ . He had made Alec feel that way with his easy smiles, his caring touches, his gentle eyes, his cries for help and Alec had fallen, hard and fast, and he didn’t know how to get back on his feet.

“You’re mad at me,” Magnus repeated. “Why are you even helping me clean up?”

Something in Alec snapped, and before he could think twice about it, he was throwing the garbage bag on the ground carelessly, his head jerking up to look right at the man in front of him. This infuriating, beautiful man.

“What do you want, Magnus? You want me to yell at you? Is that it?” he blurted, and his voice did hitch up in anger.

Magnus startled, his eyes widening, but his surprise was only temporary.

“Yes!” he retorted just as loudly. “If that’s what it takes to have you talking to me, then by all means, yell all you want! Just stop ignoring me!”

“I’m not ignoring you,” Alec lied. “I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”

“You have a funny definition of what talking means.”

Alec groaned in frustration and took a deep breath, turning away from him to focus on cleaning up again. “You know what? Never mind, it’s pointless anyway,” he sighed, shaking his head again.

He didn’t know what Magnus wanted, what exactly he was asking from him, but he knew it was too much, and not enough.

“Alexander,” Magnus said, so softly that Alec had to clench his teeth not to whimper in both frustration and exasperation. He took a wary step forward, his hand moving slightly to reach out, before falling back down to his side. “Just tell me why you’re mad at me.”

How could he not know? Was he cruel enough to ignore what was right in front of him?

“Are you really that blind, Magnus?” Alec roared, anger and frustration crashing in his mind, pushing away any coherent thought. “Because Simon was right! You talk like you can’t wait to get away from here, like nothing changed since you first stepped here with your stupid city boy habits and your mind made up. We worked so hard - all of us - to make you an integral part of our community and you just don’t care -”

“Of course I care!” Magnus protested. “And of course my opinion has changed!”

“Then why are you so eager to leave?” Alec asked, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Why do you hate it so much here?”

“I don’t hate it!” Magnus yelled, his hands trembling as he opened them in front of him as if to testify of his honesty. “That’s the problem! I don’t hate it and I want to hate it! I don’t want to like this place! I don’t want to like  _ you _ !”

The last word felt like a slap to the face and Alec froze, the breath knocked out of his lungs. He had expected rejection, if not of his body - he, for one, wasn’t blind and he would have had to be to ignore the way Magnus sometimes looked at him with undisguised hunger - at least of his carelessly offered heart, but he hadn’t expected how painful it would be, how it would pry into his chest and rip it open.

He opened his mouth to reply, something, anything, but all that came out was a shaky breath, and he shut it again, defeated. He circled Magnus to get down the porch, stomping towards the path that led to his house on the other side of the pond.

He thought he heard Magnus calling out his name after him, but he was clearly imagining things, just like he had imagined the signs he had thought he had perceived. The way Magnus looked at him when he thought Alec couldn’t see him, how effortless it was for him to initiate a physical contact, how easily he seeked Alec when he needed comfort, how smooth his voice sounded when he was flirting with him.

Alec froze right before he could truly get out of Magnus’ land.

No. He hadn’t imagined all that.

He wasn’t insane and it wasn’t his lovestruck mind playing tricks on him. Alec was too cautious of his heart to let himself be fooled by his own mind. Magnus had done all that, and it made no sense but Alec wasn’t one to give up without an explanation. He turned back around to march back to him, and Magnus’ eyes flashed with something like relief when he stopped in front of him, pointing an accusatory finger at his chest.

“Then why do you do these things?” he yelled, more in frustration than anger. “The hugs, the fucking flirting. Why do you do it?”

“Because I don’t want to like you,” Magnus murmured, barely audible over the morning wind sweeping through the porch. “But I still do.”

He ducked his head then, and everything made sense again.

Magnus was terrified, just like Alec was, and perhaps was it because the depth of his feelings scared him too. Perhaps he feared exposing his already vulnerable heart just like Alec dreaded to.

Perhaps he thought his heart was too damaged, too broken, to support the weight of what was happening between them in addition to his grief and his desperate attempts to heal.

Alec knew, without an ounce of doubt, that the burden Magnus was carrying would slowly fade away, never truly disappear because those were things that never did, but it would subdue, step by step, and Alec surprised himself thinking he wanted to be there for each and everyone of them.

Because Magnus was hurting, he was struggling to heal just like Alec had been before him, he was crumbling, and he still stubbornly refused to grant himself what little happiness he could have.

And Alec wasn’t sure there was anything he could do about that, for it was something Magnus had to deal with on his own.

“You’re the most infuriating man I’ve ever met,” Alec said, so low it was hardly a whisper.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Magnus gritted out through clenched teeth, and the fire in his eyes matched the one burning in Alec’s whole body.

Alec had pictured this moment before, and he had imagined it tender and slow, heavy with passion. On that, he hadn’t been wrong. They smashed together, moving in such a perfectly synchronised movement that it was almost dizzying, and their lips found each other in a bruising kiss, anger, frustration and unabashed desire crashing in an explosive embrace that left Alec completely numb to the rest of the world.

It was just Magnus and him, on that porch that had witnessed their first fights and their first confidences, their obnoxious laughters and their whispered confessions.

Alec didn’t even notice he had been pushing forward until Magnus was pinned against the wall and he released a small whimper that landed on his mouth, sending a shiver down his spine. He cupped Magnus’ face between his hands, kissing him harder, demanding more and receiving twice as much, heart pounding in his chest with such vigor that he could feel it echoing in his whole body.

When they pulled apart, their pants meddling together in the tiny gap between them, Magnus tilted his head up gingerly to look into Alec’s eyes, and there was something in his own, something hot and burning, daring and fierce, that made Alec surge forward to kiss him again.

He couldn’t think, couldn’t focus on anything that wasn’t just Magnus. He was fairly certain the ground could have collapsed below their feet and he wouldn’t have noticed, because nothing mattered now, nothing but this, nothing but Magnus.

His hands found their way behind Alec’s back, his fingers trailing down his spine as far as Alec’s gladiator costume allowed him, hauling him closer until they were flushed together. Alec gripped his hips in retaliation, his fingers digging in his naked skin.

Magnus inhaled sharply, pulling back and Alec chased after him for a second, wanting always more, wanting everything, but he drew back to allow them to breathe, falling back on his heels and leaning his forehead against Magnus’. It was barely a few seconds before they were crashing together again with an insatiable hunger.

Magnus hooked a leg behind Alec’s thigh to press him closer and Alec panted a wanton moan against his lips, and drew back to latch his mouth on his neck, on the same spot he had brushed his lips over earlier in the night, still convinced he would never have any more than this.

His hands finally moved from his hips to explore the bare skin of his stomach, tracing the lines of his ribs, the smooth skin feeling like heaven under his fingertips. He finally circled his waist to lift Magnus up so he could wrap his legs around his hips, and Alec was sure there wasn’t an inch of their bodies that wasn’t touching, rubbing, kissing with the other’s.

Magnus’ fingers carded through his hair, tugging just hard enough to rip another moan from the back of Alec’s throat just as he was biting lightly on a mark he had left on Magnus’ neck.

“Bedroom,” Magnus panted against his ear, his warm breath ghosting over Alec’s cheek. “Upstairs.”

Alec nodded against his neck, pulling back to allow Magnus to get his feet back on the ground, his fingers digging in Alec’s biceps and the next thing Alec knew, they were stumbling up the stairs and in Magnus’ guest room where he still stayed, their lips only leaving each other to breathe or settle on any fragment of skin they had access to.

Their clothes flew through the room, discarded as easily as the costumes allowed them - Magnus’ was much easier to get rid of than Alec’s and if he had had his doubts earlier in the night, he was now convinced it had been a terrible idea.

The following minutes were just a pandemonium, a flow of overwhelming sensations drowning his senses, a devastating torrent that took over his mind and clouded anything that wasn’t the man in his arms.

But it wasn’t such a bad thing. For once, Alec was happy to let go, to forget about consequences completely, because Magnus and him fitted perfectly together, and as they moaned in each other’s mouth when their hips rocked together, he knew it had been bound to happen one day or another.

“What do you prefer?” he asked breathily, tilting his head up to kiss Magnus again.

“I don’t care,” Magnus huffed out. “I like both.”

“Me too,” Alec murmured, pushing him all the way to the bed. “What do you want?”

A pause, heavy with pants and meaningful, lustful gazes, and then, Magnus looked directly at Alec. “Fuck me.”

Alec’s breath hitched in his throat, a simple curse darting out of his mouth, and his heart missed a beat in his chest, his head spinning for a second before he regained his senses. They collapsed on the bed together, Alec straddling Magnus’ hips, their mouths finding each other again as their hands worked on getting them rid of the rest of their clothes, fingers eagerly exploring lines and curves, muscles and little scars, memorizing every particularity and cherishing it.

“Night table,” Magnus murmured, his fingers mapping a path from Alec’s biceps to his back, leaving his skin burning in their wake.

Alec brought their mouths back together in a messy kiss, tongues dancing together, teeth nipping at each other’s lips, and pushed him into the mattress as he reached blindly to the bedside table to grab a bottle of lube and condoms, his other hand stroking the inside of his thigh before they closed around Magnus’ cock deftly. His back arched off the bed, a riven moan escaping his mouth, flying in the air like a soothing melody.

Alec stretched him open slowly, lips trailing over Magnus’ torso and to his mouth.

He realized his breathing, although still sporadic, had stopped escaping him.

Being with Magnus felt just right, like everything up to this point had been wandering aimlessly and he had found a purpose in the man lying beneath him.

It was an odd awakening, but it was what it was, and Alec accepted it fatally, feeling Magnus’ heartbeats against his lips as his mouth trailed against his neck once more.

Magnus’ hand settled between his shoulder blades to haul him closer. “I’m ready,” he panted into Alec’s ear.

Alec nodded and went to pull back, but Magnus tangled his legs around his waist, preventing him from moving away with a slight desperation that made Alec’s heart skip a beat again, and his lips pull into an amused smirk.

“Condom,” he muttered in explanation, huffing out a breathless laugh.

Magnus grunted low in his throat but loosened his grasp to allow Alec to reach out for the condom he had left lying on the pillow. They were laying sideways on the bed, and Alec thought about moving them to a more comfortable position, but it seemed suddenly irrelevant when he looked into Magnus’ eyes, their noses almost touching as he held himself up on his elbows. 

Magnus was beautiful, and it wasn’t despite his redden cheeks, his smudged makeup, his disheveled hair and his swollen lips, it was in all of that and with all of that that he was beautiful.

Alec pushed in slowly, peppering Magnus’ neck with open-mouthed kisses, all previous anger vanished into thin air to be replaced by the overwhelming need to make love to Magnus, to show the same devotion to his body that he showed to his mind, to the beautiful person he was inside and out.

It was slow and languorous, patient and utterly loving, until Magnus digged his teeth in his shoulder with an almost desperate intent.

“Shit,” he hissed in Alec’s ear, his warm breath ghosting over his skin like a burning blaze. His nails delved into his back. “Stop holding back,” he demanded, and Alec didn’t think he realized his voice was trembling. “You’re supposed to be mad at me.”

“Shut up,” Alec grunted low in his throat, because he didn’t need to be reminded of the reason why he had been so angry. He didn’t want to think about it again, to think about Magnus leaving him, especially not now.

“Make me,” Magnus murmured slyly with a soft, quiet chuckle.

Alec’s hips jerked harder against his and he slammed their mouths together in an obvious and desperate attempt at hushing him. He couldn’t hear it again, not now.  _ Not now _ .

This was complete abandon, and Alec needed just that, to clear his mind, to push away everything else, every worry, every hope he had. Magnus must have understood that, or maybe was he sharing the same feeling, because he grabbed Alec’s ass to push him deeper inside him and they moaned into each other’s mouth, loud and unabashed.

“Fuck,” Alec breathed against his lips.

Magnus buried his face in his neck, whispering words of encouragement between stuttering pants and Alec could only oblige, his thrusts deepening and his pace quickening with every moan.

It was intoxicating, and Alec knew he was gone beyond repair now. He would do whatever Magnus wanted him to do, because there wasn’t a thing he could do to stop him - and saying no to Magnus would never be an option.

His scent, a mixture of the aftermath of the party and the thin layer of sweat covering both their bodies, was enough to send him into a heady trance, an insatiable one that could only find solace in Magnus.

Magnus came just a split second before Alec did, head thrown back and back arching in pleasure and they collapsed against each other, forcing themselves to catch back their breaths.

For a while, it was only this, the sound of the two of them bringing oxygen back to their lungs, laying next to each other, staring at the ceiling, and Alec would have liked to pretend he would be perfectly content with just that, but he couldn’t. He needed more, and he knew what he needed was too much for Magnus to give right now, maybe ever.

“I’m not mad at you,” he huffed out when his breathing allowed him to speak again. He felt Magnus angle his head to look up at him, but kept his gaze firmly set on the dull white ceiling. “I’m mad at myself.”

“Why?” Magnus asked.

“Because I knew from the start you were going to leave,” Alec said, the confession weighing heavily on his chest. He swallowed hard, letting the words hang in the air between them for Magnus to grasp their full meaning.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, and Alec finally turned to look at him, lifting an inquisitive eyebrow. “I’m not sure of anything anymore.”

The golden spark in his brown eyes was glimmering with the morning lights creeping through the window and Alec’s heart clenched in his chest at the sight, because Magnus’ eyes were sad, like they were too often.

“I’m fucked up,” Magnus breathed out, sounding like he hated the words as much as he hated what they meant.

Alec gave him a small smile that he hoped reassuring. “Aren’t we all?”

He pushed on his elbows to sit up, leaning on the edge of the bed for a moment before he picked up his discarded underwear, slid it on and walked out of the room. He took the stairs down to the kitchen and filled a glass of water that he drank in one gulp, then another one for Magnus.

He stopped by the bathroom to grab a towel but didn’t walk back into the room immediately. He leaned against the wall instead, head tilted up and eyes shut.

Magnus was going to leave. He had said it from the start. After his six months were up, he would go back to his life in New York, and that would be it.

Alec was condemned to get his heart broken, eventually, and he had to get prepared for that, to shield himself again if he wanted to endure it.

He tried to ignore the way Magnus’ eyes flashed with relief when he walked back into the room and held him the glass of water, distracting himself with wiping the towel over his stomach and down his legs.

When he was done, he stood again and started wandering around the room, gathering the discarded pieces of his costume under his arm.

“Alexander,” Magnus murmured, low and broken.

“Mmh?” he prompted, not trusting his voice.

“Stay.”

Alec froze and turned to look at Magnus, and he knew he couldn’t conceal the hurt in his eyes as he spoke, “Will you?”

He knew it was cruel, in a way, that staying with Magnus now shouldn’t have been conditioned by a decision he hadn’t made yet, but Alec was hurting, and he tended to do stupid things when he was.

Magnus opened his mouth to answer, but closed it again on a stutter, before ducking his head shamefully and sliding under the sheets.

He looked so miserable that Alec hated himself instantly. He couldn’t bear the thought of being the one bringing Magnus anguish, even though it meant putting his own heart on the line.

“I’m sorry,” Alec whispered, stepping forward slowly. “I shouldn’t be trying to force your hand. You should do what makes you happy.”

“Alexander,” Magnus muttered, and the hint of a smirk came tugging at the corner of his lips, but Alec wasn’t fooled. “I’m too tired to do you again. Lock the porch door on your way out, please.”

There was silence for a while as Magnus turned his back on him, shutting his eyes, and Alec watched him quietly for a few seconds, his mind a whirlwind.

It was too dangerous, for himself. It was too risky. But Magnus needed him now.

He could do this. Stay with Magnus until he fell asleep, hold him into his arms until he was enough at ease to finally relax, and then leave and go run into the woods, run and run and run until he could make sense of the situation, until his mind would surrender to the ache in his body instead of the one in his heart. He could do this.

Shutting his eyes tightly, urging himself to find the courage to go through with his plan, he climbed into the bed again and slipped an arm around Magnus’ waist, pulling him against his chest.

“I’ll stay,” Alec murmured, pressing a soft kiss on the bridge of Magnus’ ear. “But I won’t be there when you wake up.”

“That sounds fair,” Magnus said.

Did it?

It sounded like the worst choice Alec had ever made.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit)
> 
>  
> 
> This was beta'd by the amazing [Pravs.](https://twitter.com/magnusbake)
> 
> Next time... Anything else you wanna read in Alec's POV from BLST? Otherwise, I'll skip to a post-BLST scene for the next extra!
> 
> All the love,  
> Lu. ❤
> 
> PS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT EPISODE! COMPETITIVE LITTLE SHITS! COMMUNICATION! KISSING! I'M DEAD. RIP LUCILE.


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